Snip:

43. You

Charges: You think it’s your patriotic duty to spend money you don’t have on crap you don’t need. You think Hillary lost because of sexism, when it’s actually because she’s just a bad liar. You think Iraq is better off now than before we invaded, and don’t understand why they’re so ungrateful. You think Tim Russert was a great journalist. You’re hopping mad about an auto industry bailout that cost a squirt of piss compared to a Wall Street heist of galactic dimensions, due to a housing crash you somehow have blamed on minorities. It took you six years to figure out what a tool Bush is, but you think Obama will make it all better. You deem it hunky dory that we conduct national policy debates via 8-second clips from “The View.” You think God zapped humans into existence a few thousand years ago, although your appendix and wisdom teeth disagree. You like watching vicious assholes insult each other on TV. You support gun rights, because firing one gives you a chubby. You cuddle falsehoods and resent enlightenment. You think the fact that 43% of whites could stomach voting for an incredibly charismatic and eloquent light-skinned black guy who was raised by white people means racism is over. You think progressive taxation is socialism. 1 in 100 of you are in jail, and you think it should be more. You are shallow, inconsiderate, afraid, brand-conscious, sedentary, and totally self-obsessed. You are American.

Exhibit A: You’re more upset by Miley Cyrus’s glamour shots than the fact that you are a grown adult who is upset about Miley Cyrus.

Sentence: Invaded and occupied by Canada; all military units busy overseas without enough fuel to get back.

As the article has been linked from ten million sites, it’s not always possible to access it due to their undoubtedly off-the-charts bandwidth requests. But check back in a day or two if you can’t get there now. The idiots of 2008 won’t be disappearing that quickly.

Ok I haven’t written anything political here for a long time, so please excuse if I come across a bit rusty. First off, there was never any doubt about who would emerge as the “winner” of the debate; rather the goal was to see by how much Biden would win, and how many times each of them would screw up. In my humble opinion, and unlike most of the commentators on PBS (the venerable Brooks and Sheilds), CNN (“the best political team on TV” – WTF? Is that a trademark?) and MSNBC (whose “anchors” and “analysts” are such a joke that no one should even listen to them anyway), I thought Biden blew her out of the water, and illustrated brilliantly to me just how far out of her league Sarah Palin is. She did nothing to advance the republican agenda (which is what? I’m wondering more and more often these days) and nothing to advance the McCain campaign for president. Why she is being credited for not completely f@%king up, just because of her dismal interview with Katie Couric, is beyond me.

It’s true that expectations were incredibly low for Palin’s performance in this debate, and while most people think she did better than they expected, I cannot be counted in that group. Which isn’t to say I think she did worse than I expected. I can tell that she is a reasonably intelligent, competent person, and she achieved her goal of repeating the standard campaign talking points (actual “questions” be damned) and attempting to deflect attention from her own party’s non-existent platform. In short, she proved to me that if I was up there instead of her, I could’ve “held my own” in a vice presidential debate as well! What a great ego boost! She spoke for “the everyman”. But does anyone want me to be a heartbeat away from the presidency?

Biden, on the other hand, did better than I expected. He stuck to the platform, which by definition is far superior to anything the republicans are offering up these days, he didn’t take any bait to say stupid or condescending things to Palin (which, as the Wonkette editors aptly noted, he clearly wanted to), and, perhaps thanks to the debate’s 2-minute answer/response format, didn’t go on and on and on. I haven’t seen much of Biden before this debate, but have heard much of his gaffe-prone oratory, and was thus expecting something like the “FDR on TV in the first depression” double-whammy at any moment.

As we’ve known all along, this election is the Democrats’ to lose. The fact that it’s even close is a big mystery to me, except it’s not. I think if we score the VP debate with a big handicap for Biden (I mean c’mon, it was like the pros vs. little league), then it could be scored pretty evenly, with a slight edge to the Delaware Senator. After all, Palin didn’t get flustered, caught in a “gotcha” moment or even stumble much in her responses, and with the bar set deceptively low for most republican aspirants, they can probably breathe a sigh of relief, as she just got through her biggest test of the campaign.

Whatever, it will all be forgotten tomorrow with the bailout vote. Let’s have a poll!

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